Speaking Honestly About Life (Part II): Praise Perfects, Criticism Diminishes

Deiform Buddha

I was raised and have grown up amidst praise. If I had power, wealth, beauty, or influence, I might need to exercise some caution. However, I am an ordinary citizen, a commoner from a humble background. Naturally, I lack confidence and carry a heavy sense of inferiority. Without the warmth of praise and the nurturing rain of encouragement, I might have withered long ago.

I am a staunch believer and practitioner of the Pygmalion Effect. This well-known psychological concept suggests that if people around someone regard them as a great person, they are likely to become one. Conversely, if people label someone as a scoundrel, that individual may come to embody that role.

I taught middle school for five years, and both students and their parents liked me because I often praised my students. They particularly enjoyed my English classes. One year, my class achieved top results in a citywide English exam, surpassing dozens of other schools and excelling far beyond our district’s average. This earned me a third-class merit award—a testament to the power of praise.

I employed the same approach with my brothers. I lavished praise on my two older brothers, and in turn, they doted on me, never letting me do any hard labor at home. They took care of all the heavy work. With my three younger brothers, I also found every opportunity to praise them. They treated me like royalty, happily taking care of small tasks like pouring tea or serving meals. Between the heavy lifting my older brothers did, and the lighter chores handled by my younger brothers, I lived a carefree and harmonious life. From childhood to adulthood, I never had arguments, fights, or disputes with my five brothers. How blessed and free my life has been!

My wife has a saying: "My husband’s only talent is making me happy." Over two decades of “sweet-talking” have given her some “resistance” to it. Simple flattery no longer works, so I’ve laid it out plainly: “Even if you resent me, please humor me. As long as you keep me happy every day, every day will feel like a good one for me. If you make me happy for a lifetime, I’ll be eternally grateful. The same applies in reverse.”

When it comes to our child, I’ve rarely been strict. Others say most families follow the pattern of a “stern father and kind mother,” but in our house, it’s the opposite—“a kind father and stern mother.” This is indeed true. I often praise my child, saying, “You’re unique, sensible, intelligent, and mature beyond your years. You’re also filial and will surely achieve greatness.” This encouragement paid off, and my child graduated high school with top marks. If finances had allowed, attending Harvard wouldn’t have been out of the question. Nonetheless, he graduated from a prestigious American university with excellent grades. Moreover, because I often praised his filial piety, he cooked nearly all our family dinners during his six years of secondary school, doing so with great enthusiasm.

Huanying Celestial of Lifechanyuan introduced the concept of “Chanyuan Flattery.” This means that in Lifechanyuan, members focus on praising and encouraging each other rather than criticizing or nitpicking. In Lifechanyuan, I fully embrace this approach. Male members are like celestial beings, and female members are like fairies. The community includes Buddhas, Bodhisattvas, and heavenly beings. Every man is handsome and charismatic, and every woman is beautiful and virtuous. They are all seeds of future civilization in the era of Lifechanyuan. Similarly, they shower me with praise, leaving me feeling buoyant and inspired. If Li Bai could compose a hundred poems after a few drinks, I could write thousands of articles after receiving their encouragement. The more they praise me, the more energetic I become. Without it for three days, I’d feel deflated.

Life is but a dream—so why not treat it as play? In Lifechanyuan, we’re not pursuing grand achievements but are like playful old and young children indulging in joyful games. We humor each other, exchange compliments, and have so much fun that we forget the worries of the mundane world. Serious matters of the human world are treated as mere games. My goal is to flatter and praise everyone until we all reach the Celestial Islands Continent. And what will we do there? Continue playing games in paradise!

I’ve discovered a little secret: people who can genuinely praise and encourage others have beautiful hearts. Those who nitpick and criticize have imperfect hearts, as their flaws drive them to point out others’ shortcomings.

Praise and encouragement are like sunshine and rain, while criticism and nitpicking are like storms. Praise and encouragement perfect people, whereas criticism and nitpicking diminish them.

However, my conclusion comes with a caveat—it applies only to ordinary civilians like us. In the arenas of business, politics, and warfare, things might be different.

Hey, fellow commoners and ordinary folk: let’s practice more praise and encouragement! Why not give “Chanyuan Flattery” a try?

(To be continued)