The Magical First Time

Xuefeng

The Magical First Time Xuefeng

Have you ever noticed this phenomenon? The first time you meet someone, the first time you interact with them, or the first time you observe them doing something—if they leave a good impression, all subsequent interactions tend to go smoothly. However, if they leave a bad impression, no matter how much time passes, you will always feel that your interactions with them are fraught with difficulties and obstacles.

I once hired a carpenter to make some furniture. The first time he sawed a board, he cut it crookedly. A shadow of doubt passed through my mind, but I thought it might be a momentary lapse. However, what followed was unforgettable—he was careless and inefficient, ultimately wasting my materials, time, and energy. From that moment, I learned that if the first impression is negative, I must immediately cut ties—there’s no use dragging things out.

The first time I interacted with a friend's acquaintance, I noticed his eyes wandered and occasionally flashed a cunning look. I had a twinge of doubt but continued the interaction. Later, I asked him for help with two small tasks, and both times he tried to outsmart me and did something sneaky. Since then, I’ve realized the importance of first impressions: if the feeling is good, continue; if the feeling is bad, stop immediately.

Looking back, many of life's disappointments arise because we ignore the signals people send during our first encounter. If we observe carefully, every first encounter is like a revelation, telling us whether to continue or break ties.

If your first visit to a place leaves you unhappy or things don’t go well, don’t go back. If your first date with someone leaves you disappointed, don’t keep dating them. If your first collaboration with someone makes you feel hurt or upset, don’t work with them again.

The feelings from the first encounter are the most genuine, and the first impression is a sign from above. How we handle the information from our first experience determines whether our lives will be smooth or difficult.

People or things that bring us joy during our first encounter are usually beneficial to us—we should treasure, keep, and nurture them. On the other hand, people or things that cause us pain or discomfort during our first encounter are usually detrimental, and we should immediately let them go.

When dealing with first encounters, it’s essential to trust yourself. This isn’t about experience, wisdom, knowledge, age, or gender. It’s about intuition and your true inner feelings. Don’t rely on the advice or warnings of others, whether they are masters, scholars, great figures, friends, or elders—they can’t feel what you feel in your heart. The signals that heaven gives us through first impressions are the most beneficial, the most accurate, and the most protective.

You shouldn’t rely on your own experience or wisdom to judge but should listen to the insights and guidance of your feelings. Regularly ask yourself: does he (or she, or it) make me feel comfortable? If the answer is yes, treasure it. Don’t listen to others’ evaluations, nor to the reminders of “well-meaning” people who say, “I’m doing this for your own good.” Only you know what you feel—others don’t.

We’re often taught, “Unite with everyone who can be united,” “Tolerate those with opposing views,” “Be as inclusive as possible,” “Believe people can change,” and “Be patient; they’ll come around.” These are all misguided ideas. A person’s transformation requires hundreds or thousands of years of cultivation, and patience belongs to the divine, not to us. We have only a few decades to live, and it’s a painful waste to spend that time waiting for others to change. We should seek out people who bring joy and happiness to our lives—why endure long-term mental torment and emotional abuse?

“Birds of a feather flock together.” Ignorant people gather with ignorant people, worldly people with worldly people, mortals with mortals, sages with sages, and celestial beings with celestial beings—when they’re together, even playing in the mud can be fun. But when sages are with worldly people, or celestial beings are with mortals, no matter what they do, it brings only suffering. Even if they’re sharing love, it feels deeply uncomfortable.

Everyone’s life structure is different. Water and milk can mix, but water and oil can’t. Pigs stay with pigs, sheep with sheep. People should be with those whose spirits resonate with theirs. Whether spirits resonate depends entirely on physiological and spiritual responses, and the best opportunity for that resonance occurs during the first observation or contact. That’s why the first time can be called “the magical first time.”

People fear loneliness and isolation, so they often compromise themselves to fit in with others, saying, “Alright, I’ll just go along with this.” But pleasing others doesn’t alleviate our loneliness—instead, it leads to deeper helplessness and frustration.

Life is only a few short decades. It’s better to live one happy day than to endure a hundred years of misery. It’s better to die in a moment of joy than to live a thousand years in humiliation.

Trust that first impression. If it’s good, cherish it and continue. If it’s bad, cut ties and let it go!